Shadow Facts, the Horse
by NirCele
Summary: Everyone must know about Shadowfax, the mighty steed who carried Gandalf. But have you ever heard of Shadow Facts? That's his real name, and he's very insulted that you thought otherwise! THE TRUTH FINALLY COMES OUT IN THIS SHORT TAIL – er...TALE. (Rated K-plus for faces shutting, gibbering, horses in pockets, and insanity.)


**Inspired by an awesome comic by xkcd!**

 **This fic (insane though it is;) is in the time period between Gandalf escaping from Saruman and...Gandalf making it to Imladris. Elrohir and Elladan do indeed accompany him in the 'actual' book, and in the meanwhile, Glorfindel is out riding around randomly looking for Aragorn and the Hobbits.**

 **Let the reading commence!**

* * *

"Oh look, there's Mithrandir," said Elladan, pointing through a bunch of trees where a super old man was ballumping on his horse toward them.

"I told you to call me Gandalf," said the old man, riding up next to them.

"Whatever, sorry," said Elrohir. "So what's up?"

"The sky," Gandalf said.

"Where've you been lately?" Elladan asked conversationally.

"None of your business," said Gandalf.

"How did the fight with Saruman go?" Elrohir inquired pleasantly.

"We're still on schedule, not that it should matter to you," Gandalf said.

"So is that horse you're riding actually Shadowfax?" Elladan queried politely.

"Excuse me!" said the horse.

"You're excused, now don't be annoying," Gandalf said, rapping the horse's side with his staff. It snorted indignantly.

"Oh, so the horses aren't even worth asking about now? That's rude!"

"Whatever, sorry," said Elrohir. "So are you Shadowfax or what?"

The horse stomped a foot. "Of course I am! Don't insult me."

"Your mane is very beautiful," Elrohir said immediately.

The horse tossed his head and preened. "Of course it – wait." He gave Elrohir a suspicious look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You said not to insult you, so I complimented you instead."

"Oh." The stallion thought about that for a little while. He then looked suspicious again. "Hold on, just _how_ do you think my name is spelled?"

Elrohir spelled 'Shadowfax.' "Like that, of course."

"NO," said the horse. "MY NAME IS NOT SHADOWFAX, IT'S SHADOW FACTS."

"Uh…" Elrohir looked really confused. "Say what again? That sounds like exactly the same thing."

Gandalf sighed. "Please don't get him started."

"THEY DO NOT MEAN THE SAME THING!" Shadow Facts shrieked. "They're totally different!"

"Who would name you Shadow Facts anyway?" Elrohir wondered.

Gandalf's eyes widened and he held out a hand to silence Elrohir, but it was too late.

Shadow Facts stiffened and his eyes glazed over. "A shadow is a region where light from a light source is obstructed by an opaque object. It occupies all of the three-dimensional volume behind an object with light in front of it."

"What?" said Elladan, who had been staring at the butterflies up until now.

Gandalf screamed in annoyance, then fixed his hat. "Every time someone says his name right, he goes off onto this crazy shadow facts annoying announcement."

"The wider the light source, the more blurred the shadow becomes," said Shadow Facts.

"Oh," said Elrohir.

"If there are multiple light sources, there will be multiple shadows, with overlapping parts darker, and various combinations of brightnesses or even colors," said Shadow Facts.

"Huh," said Elladan, staring at the horse.

"The sun casts shadows which change dramatically throughout the day," said Shadow Facts, then added, "The length of a shadow cast on the ground is proportional to the cotangent of the sun's elevation angle—its angle _θ_ relative to the horizon."

"This is actually getting annoying," Elrohir said.

Gandalf sighed. "I've had to put up with it for days. You know what really scared the Nazgûl off at Weathertop when I faced them? It was him, jabbering on and on about the differences in light and shadow and how it would affect them in the Void. It drove me crazy, and _they_ ran in terror!"

"So did you get any wounds fighting the Nazgûl?" Elrohir asked eagerly.

"No," Gandalf said.

"Oh." Elrohir's shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"The more diffuse the lighting becomes, the softer and more indistinct the shadow outlines become, until they disappear," said Shadow Facts.

Elladan pulled a bottle of red something out of his pocket and threw it to Gandalf. "Here, whatever happened, this will help. It invigorated the spirit, gives you energy, and cures almost all wounds."

"Míruvor?" Gandalf asked.

Elrohir and Elladan both snorted. "No, of course not. It's cherry Kool-aid!"

"Oh, even better!" Gandalf glugged it down. "Okay, where do we go next?!" he asked, suddenly very happy.

"Uh…to Imladris, of course," Elrohir said with a 'duh' look. "We were supposed to make sure you got there safely, and then we could ride around and act all mysterious again."

"Excellent!" said Gandalf. "Let us sally forth then!"

"A shadow shows, apart from distortion, the same image as the silhouette when looking at the object from the sun-side, hence the mirror image of the silhouette seen from the other side," said Shadow Facts. No one was listening to him.

"Who's Sally?" Elrohir wondered. "Is she gorgeous? Is she single?"

"Her name used to be Mary Sue," Gandalf said.

Elrohir sulked.

Elladan looked at Shadow Facts. "Hey, did you know that _you_ have a shadow? It's underneath you!"

Shadow Facts stopped blabbering about shadows and looked underneath him. His shadow bent its head too. Shadow Facts gibbered for a moment, then promptly passed out. Fortunately, Gandalf was awesome and managed to jump clear in time.

Elladan pulled a horse from his pocket and tossed it to Gandalf. "Here, ride this."

Gandalf jumped on the horse and grabbed the reins. "Off to Rivendell we go!" he said cheerfully. After a moment, he noticed that Elladan and Elrohir weren't doing anything. He raised a bushy eyebrow at them. "Is there something –"

 _BAM!_ A black-clad elf appeared next to Gandalf with an indescribably bored look on his face. He looked Gandalf up and down, then handed him a thick scroll. "You're being sued for Eyebrow of Doom copyright infringement," he said in a very bored voice, then vanished.

"Oh good, I'll add it to my collection," Gandalf said, putting it in his hat. He looked at the twins again. "So is there a reason you're both mad at me now?"

"Yes," said Elrohir, very insulted. "You called it _Rivendell_. Only mortals call it Rivendell. And dwarves. And sometimes our sister or father or grandmother. And sometimes King Thranduil when he's being a meanie face. But it's actually _Imladris_ , and we're both insulted that you called it Rivendell."

" _Very_ insulted," Elladan added with a dramatic frown.

"Get over it," Gandalf said, and they got over it, then they started riding toward Imladris.

"Oh!" said Gandalf when they were almost there. "I almost forgot! Have either of you two seen Glorfindel lately?"

"The Sadness-slayer?" Elrohir hummed and tapped his elbow instead of his chin. "Nope, can't say that I have! He went somewhere to leave a stone on a bridge and act dangerous. Can we pass on a message?"

"Yes, you can. Tell him that Fred said 'We're not buddies anymore until we get the One.'" Gandalf _poof_ ed a pipe into his hand and started sucking on it. The PIPE started smoking. (Gandalf doesn't smoke, the pipe does. Therefore, he sucks on it, which makes him a – yeah, you got it).

"Who's Fred, and what does that message mean?" Elladan asked suspiciously.

"None of your business," Gandalf said rudely.

"It _is_ my business," Elladan snarked. "Now tell me, old man."

Gandalf glared. "I am a _**MAIA**_. I could crush you. Shut it."

" _You_ shut it," said Elladan.

"Your _face_ can shut it," said Gandalf.

"Both of you shut it," said Elrohir. "So what's going to happen to Shadow Facts?"

"Also, if the object is moving, the shadow cast by the object will project an image with dimensions expanding proportionally faster than the object's own rate of movement," echoed through the trees and mountains to them.

Gandalf shrugged. "He can run back to Rohan or he can –"

"Oh, Rohan!" Elladan exclaimed. "I almost forgot; we're supposed to give this to you." He pulled a wedding invitation out of his pocket and tossed it to Gandalf.

Gandalf read it and sucked on his pipe some more. "Oh noes!" he suddenly said. "This isn't supposed to happen for a few years!" He frowned. "That meddling Saruman!"

"Your name is usually in that sentence instead of Saruman's," Elrohir said.

Gandalf sulked. "I was going to plan that wedding!"

"My suspicions have been confirmed!" Elrohir cried. "Wizards _are_ secretly matchmakers! Hahaha!"

"Radagast matches up animals," Elladan sniggered.

"I'm offended by that statement you said, Elrohir," Gandalf said. "There is no sneaking about our matchmaking!"

"Oh, look, there's _Imladris_ ," Elrohir said, seeing the place up ahead.

A random elf stumbled past them, heading for the river. He was wearing disgusting clothes and armor like an Orc would wear.

"What in Arda?" said Gandalf.

"Oh, that must be a new person Glorfindel hugged!" Elladan waved.

Elrohir gasped and put two fingers to his temple. "His name…it's coming to me…"

"What is it, brother?" Elladan said dramatically.

"It's…it's – Buddy!" Elrohir sighed in relief. Then he and Elladan waved at the strange elf. "Hey, Buddy!"

"Elves are nice," said the orc-turned-elf, and fell into the water.

"I wonder if he can swim," wondered Elrohir wonderingly.

"Maybe, maybe not," Elladan said.

They kept riding.

When they got to the courtyard, Gandalf jumped off his horse, then tossed the horse to Elladan, who stuck it back in his pocket.

"Thanks, Elladan, I'm going to go bother your dad again," Gandalf said, and rushed away.

"I wonder how Shadow Facts is doing," Elrohir said.

A whinny came through the air to him, then, "The farther the distance from the object blocking the light to the surface of projection, the larger the silhouette!"

Elrohir looked disappointed. "Oh, he's alive."

* * *

 **There's another awesome talking!Shadowfax (ooh, look at me, blatantly defying spellcheck) story out there, by** **Neril** **. You should check it out, it's awesome! AND THERE'S A SEQUEL. It's called** _ **Shadowfax and Gandalf**_ **, and that's pretty self-explanatory. Go check them both out!**

 _And here's the altered link to the original comic - ( www. xkcd 1272/) - but just be careful of clicking on anything else on there, because my internet security program claims that there's questionable content on that site. Much thanks to xkcd for the basic idea! XD_


End file.
